txnycgirl25

I came across this passage from a friend's blog and her reflections...

"Leviticus 25. This passage talks about the year of jubilee. After six years, taking the seventh for a sabbath. Now this is talking about land as well as taking a sabbath for yourself of sowing the land. And God says that in the sixth year, the crop will be so plentiful that it will last for 3 years. 'Then the land will yield its produce, so that you can eat your fill and live securely on it.'"

I also remember talking to another friend earlier this year about 2009. I and many of my friends had a feeling that '09 was going to be a big year. I had some darker feelings too, but regardless, it was another eventful year socially, politically, etc. But I also recall a friend saying that 9 is the number of fruitfulness, and she was excited of what '09 had in store for us all.

Taking a sabbath is hard when you work in the industry that I do. Its a little beyond a 'choice' and more about being responsible and showing up when I have to work weekends. I took the Leviticus passage as a symbol for my time in NYC. I arrived to NYC on a cloud. (If you don't know my story ask me). I began year seven of living in NYC this September. My first six years were significant for me on a professional level, so this makes me think. My year six could be referred to as somewhat a year of plentiful crop. My "crops" make me a very thankful person for various (personal) reasons that are practical and emotional. However, I don't know that the next three years will be provided off of those crops, or really what that means. Well, I do know and I'm also not certain. I want to pray about this, because the first six years here have created a foundation for me that has its ups and downs, and some touchstones from early years that I want and need back for my next few years. I feel like this post makes no sense, but it does to me. Or at least, its starting to. Its food for thought and what 2010 will bring.

I'm on a shoot in LA. Shoots involve catering for meals/sustenance/distraction. Its called "craft services." The "crafty" on this shoot is nuts. All the snacks, beverages aside, he does rounds twice a day with fresh hot snacks in between meals. Not to mention the lunch services provided fresh baked cookies and chocolate milkshakes!

MONDAY
-black bean quesadillas
-bacon wrapped dates

TUESDAY
-churros
-turkey burger/sliders

WEDNESDAY
-empanadas
-lasagne rolls (think fried eggrolls, but lasagne)!!
-meatballs

I've been going to physical therapy for a severely sprained ankle (from May)! Its still uncomfortable, but my range of motion is definitely getting better. All this said, I'm going to a sports physical therapy facility. I don't really know what that means, because I don't think the other patients there are athletes. I know I'm not.

I will admit spending 12 minutes on a stationary bike has a similar affect as bicycling a babies' legs (gets gas moving)! Anyway, this place like most PT places is laid out very similar to a gym, except with flat exam-like tables for treatment. I always notice when I arrive, all heads turn and the slight puffiness of the (crippled) men still trying proving their prowess. Its funny.

But I also get amused looking around and how the PT "gym" looks a bit like a looney bin.

You've got the guy doing lunge walks back and forth. The lady with a backpack on her front strolling paces through the office. The kid finger-climbing notches on the wall. The other guy on a rolling stool pushing himself in laps. And then the other folks doing various stretches and on trampolines, stationary bikes and treadmill. Maybe its because I'm not fully awake, but these exercises amuse me during my sessions.

I've only been to a gym like, five times in my life. I'd rather be in a dance class or session that keeps me moving and engaged/occupied rather than staring at sweaty people active on stationary things. I wonder if the real gym resembles a crowd that looks as looney?

My Chinese zodiac sign/animal birth-year sign is a horse. I am a horse. I'm moody like a horse. I also work like a horse... and horses usually die while working. ha.

I'm working on this glorious Saturday. I'm currently working only 12 blocks away from my home. I am often hopeful that a bus will be en route, but one usually is not so I have to walk. I am a self-admitted lazy person who hates walking, but I live in NYC and its how I get places!

BUT this morning I walked a couple of blocks and behold! a bus was coming! As I patiently waited the few blocks for the bus to arrive, I was across from the park where certain vagabonds, city gypsies and homeless people frequent. I thought there was a farmer's market, but it was actually a hot food line serving those in need. As I hopped on the bus and looked out the window at the lines of broken lives, I noticed the number of elderly Asian women. My neighborhood is kind of close to Chinatown, and in general its rare to see homeless elderly Asian women. There were enough of them in numbers in each of the four lines to take notice. And I wondered, how odd...as I said, its so rare you see such a demographic of the homeless population as such. And then from a place of judgment, I wondered if they are old Chinese women that are bored on a lovely Saturday morning and don't mind a free meal. I don't know for certain, but that's just where my thought suspiciously wandered.

Here are images from the MTV shoot (see previous post below) I was on last month. First, here is the link of the final product...it looks great! Now I wish I had cable so I could actually watch the VMAs...

http://www.click3x.com/home.php/blog/detail/79

And now here are some images of the rehearsals on the stage between shooting...

THE STAGE


REHEARSING...do you see Wade? Travis? Ivan? Ne-Yo?





HERE'S A CLOSE UP FOR YA...



OH, AND THE MAGICAL MOMENT WITH TRAVIS...



I still don't really know who Ne-Yo is...

the end.

Everyone remembers that scene from Dirty Dancing, right? When Baby meets Johnny for the first time, and she feels stupid for justifying her presence near him by 'carrying a watermelon.' And although she felt like a total idiot, she couldn't be more excited to be there. Well, I had one of those moments yesterday.

I got the opportunity to be on set for a shoot and meet Wade Robson and Travis Wall. If you know me, you know who these two guys are. If you don't...well, Wade gained popularity as Britney and N'sync's choreographer, and now on SYTYCD (So You Think You Can Dance). [Again, if you know me, you already knew what that acronym stood for]. Travis is a runner up contestant from Season 2 of SYTYCD. I am a HUGE fan of both of these men. I think their depth, motion, creativity and spirits are just inspiring!! [Travis is one of my *all time fave* dancers of all seasons thus far. And that's five seasons].

So my current boss said the shoot was somewhat laid back and was fine with me coming on set. It was an evening/night shoot and I arrived after work to a hot, hot stage on a humid night in Brooklyn. From our out-of-the-way perch, my boss immediately pointed out Wade, and nano-seconds after that I suddenly noticed his assistant was none other than Travis! I also noticed on the call sheet one of the dancers was Ivan (also from Season 2 of SYTYCD)!! EEEEEEK! I WAS KVELLING!!! I can't think of the last time I felt like a 12 year old and completely star-struck. After a few takes, I got over it and managed to wander down by the crew and monitors. It was a key location to stand as that's where Wade and Travis (AND Wade's stunning wife Amanda) would walk back to watch takes. UM, I totally had eye contact with all of them between takes, and it took everything in me NOT to wink at them! [I'm kidding. Kind of.] Mind you, I was tempted to walk on set and bust a move and tell them I am the Asian MJ, and then "drop it like its hot" and show the boys the hotness of my bootay and amazing moves!! [I'm totally kidding. IF ONLY!] I was so impressed, but not surprised, how quickly the dancers picked up on moves and adapted the choreography. Wade and Travis would do a move twice and the dancers immediately knew what to do. [I can do that too. Maybe not well, but I CAN DO IT!]

It wasn't until a set change that I took our intern and made a stupid excuse to go outside...where Wade and Travis were "chillin." We circled around the stage and they were talking to each other, and I interrupted their convo and said "um, excuse me, but I just wanted to say HI." And here's my watermelon moment...they *didn't* hear me. So then a little louder I was like, "oh, hi guys...sorry to interrupt..." and as I'm saying this... Amanda (and her Mother) are behind me going "Wade! Travis! She's saying something to you!" (THANK YOU AMANDA! I wish I had more guts to chat you up while we were standing next to each other! I missed my chance to make you my BFF!) And the guys suddenly looked over, and were like "OH Hi." Here's the brief dialogue below... after I got their attention...and intro'd ourselves with firm handshakes!! I doubt they remembered my name, but most people don't, so that's okay...

ME: Its really nice to meet you guys. And I just want to let you know that I'm a big fan and think you are both so amazing and so inspirational. Thank you for moving!
THEM: (can't remember which exactly) "oh, thanks... " Travis more humbled and surprised.
ME: I'm a producer with the company that's going to do all the effects on these spots! (This was my other watermelon moment to justify my presence and not uber-weird them out as a crazy-stalker-girl on set).
TRAVIS: Oh, cool...you're adding a sky to all this?
ME: Yep!
WADE: Wow, you guys gotta do all this frame-by-frame 'cuz the camera is moving?!
ME: Yep! Uh huh!

And THEN Wade gets pulled away by the Director (DANGIT!)

TRAVIS: Oh, cool... I'm really into all this stuff...

I then continued to chat with Travis regarding what he's been up to and gushing about how great he is. He's choreographing all over, and learning more production based work, thanks to Wade and also he's next off to Adam Shankman's next movie with Drew Barrymore. I told him his dance last week on SYTYCD was "amazing and totally hawt." He barely got notice to choreograph for that week, and apparently made up moves on the fly all night, the night before. AMAZING. We somehow wrapped up the conversation and I said congrats and wished him continued luck! He was so nice and so sweet. So...normal. And, about the same height and size as me. YET he dances so strongly!!

AMAZING!!! Throughout the rest of the night, we (me, Travis, and Wade) all continued to make eye contacts. [Obviously, we were all on the same set]!! I couldn't help but TRY to BE COOL, and not feel totally stupid when they caught my STALKER STARES (I'm kidding). Because I didn't HAVE to be on set... my FX Supervisor, Head of Production AND intern were all there! [The intern was there for joy of Ne-yo the featured artist. I have no idea who this guy is]. So I just tried to look interested (which I was), tied to stay occupied and look and behave remotely professional.

IT'S A WRAP.

We then had an awkward run in with Wade regarding our cars home...and I made a further idiot out of myself by offering him our car...WITH US. And he kindly declined. This was my key watermelon moment of feeling stupid under my breath. And in the end, I did not get a creepy keepsake photo with Wade. But that's okay... I'll see him again...one day! Maybe?? ahahahahhahhhaaaaa.....

So yeah, "I carried a watermelon." A few actually. Next time... if there is a next time, I'm hoping there are less watermelons.

*sigh*

I'll post my photos soon-ish... I don't want MTVs legal team hunting me down for releasing images from the shoot.

I have to blog about the death of Michael Jackson, so if I ever come back to read this, I can remember "that day." Clearly that's what 6/25/09 will be... one of those days.

1/28/86 Challenger explosion
10/3/95 OJ Simpson acquittal
8/31/97 Princess Diana's death
9/11/01 World Trade Center attack

The other dates above are events that I recall very clearly in my lifetime. I can tell you exactly what I was doing that day and how I and the world responded. I will say since yesterday afternoon upon hearing about MJ's death, my stomach has been cramping. Kind of like when you have laughed really, really hard, or when you are fighting back tears. I'm not really fighting back tears, but my eyes do well up when thinking about the levels of sadness when it comes to MJ's glorious, confusing, genious, talented, blessed, cursed, tortured, historical, short life. And with this event I'm so curious about the current age of communication and technology...the facebookers, twitterers, etc...(and my blogging now). I imagine how his death is similar to Elvis or John Lennon and the world's reaction/response. And WHY do people love to announce the death of a celebrity?

All this said, let's not forget the death of Farrah Fawcett as well.

So life and death...is such a mystery. I want to share a dream I had in college upon hearing that a friend from high school had killed himself. His mother was Buddhist and his father was Protestant. I don't think he really knew what he believed. I was entirely pre-occupied with where his soul rests for about a week. Knowing what I believe and my understanding of how God feels about one of his creations taking their own life I was emotionally devastated and confused regarding my loving God. So I kept asking God, if I could have peace about what happened? I asked God if he could share a little bit of his heart for the lost that are desperate for freedom and choose the fatal 'out.'

I had a dream that my friend and I were hanging out at a local eatery that was a hangout for me and my friends. He stole a brownie. He did that once in real life, and then felt guilty that his Grandma was watching over him, and that she'd be disappointed. He stole a brownie in my dream, and as we sat at our table I kept looking at him thinking he's not supposed to be here because he's dead. And as if he could read my mind (maybe he could...it was a dream), he looked right at me and said, "hey, I'm okay." And I thought, what? Why would he say that? And he said again, "you should just know that I'm okay."

And then I woke up. I woke up confused, excited and scared...yet peaceful. And when I woke again in the morning I recalled my dream vividly and felt in my heart...that in that space of life and death...where we likely meet heaven or hell...Jesus is still the savior and may have opened an opportunity for my friend to accept Christ into his heart and had floated into heaven.

All this said...I know MJ knew God and the character of Jesus. Doesn't matter what society or media say... God knows the truth and may MJ be free and rest in peace and truth. What ever that may be.

And on the flipside...MJ always scared me in his Thriller video. Still kind of does.

Let's ponder a bit on women, power, celebrity, equality, history and future. The Forbes Celebrity 100 - of the most powerful 100 list is based on earnings, visibility and good-doings. BUT let's take a closer look and notice that the top four most powerful celebrities are women. And two of the four are minorities. And they may "just be celebrities," but the attention and weight society gives these people, its worth considering their responsibility and roles to help change the world.

FORBES CELEBRITY 100...top ten listed here...
1 Angelina Jolie
2 Oprah Winfrey
3 Madonna
4 Beyoncé Knowles
5 Tiger Woods
6 Bruce Springsteen
7 Steven Spielberg
8 Jennifer Aniston
9 Brad Pitt
10 Kobe Bryant

The full article and list...go here...
http://www.forbes.com/2009/06/03/forbes-100-celebrity-09-jolie-oprah-madonna_land.html

What I state in this post I can't exactly quote back to factual source credit, but I do know they are facts from 'reliable' sources based on media I've watched (news programs) or read in print or online (journals and sites such as CNN). Women are changing the world.

Let me say that again. WOMEN ARE CHANGING THE WORLD.

Celebrity and gossip aside, I think its significant that women are ruling and finally having a voice. And its moved beyond women's lib and rights. Its about how women do things and take care of things.

The documentary and town hall discussion with dr's, experts, journalists, and of course... celebrities for "A Powerful Noise" stated in fact, women spend money differently...women statistically pay back loans, and women are the backbone of society. That old phrase of "behind every good man is a strong woman..." is true. But now women simply are leading. My mind is reeling...and I can only think of developing nations and culturally (gender) oppressed nations that can be changed and transformed if women are educated, empowered and given the opportunity to grow.

The big challenges of history, oppression, lies, poverty and culture against women is overwhelming. But on a baby step level, I feel so moved and inspired to help and watch women and communities (and then cities, and then entire nations!!) evolve! And for me, it starts with the children. Some of my new friends in South Africa recently traveled to Uganda and worked with orphans. And of the orphans raising their younger siblings...who had the babies tied to their backs? The little girls. I think girls...women have a higher tolerance for 'pain.' Its likely factual in our design, as women are the ones who bear children.

I also recently saw a morning news program that discussed how women are changing the way we work in the US (and probably around the world). How women are becoming more innovative with time management, delegation, and team and individual management. For example, women who find a way to work from home. It doesn't make them less productive...it actually helps their productivity! Rather than be bogged down at work and feeling guilty for not caring for their children and families, the time they can do work things while at home encourages and helps their motivation MORE. This likely true for women AND men.

There's also the argument of "weisure" time (work + leisure) which is a growing trend of work styles thanks to smart phones and wifi. Imagine being out on a sail boat with your family (or client) and still checking all your emails thanks to your iPhone or BlackBerry. It happens...and happening more. Although one could also argue that its blurring the lines of work time and fun time, and when does one boundary end and one start? And of course, we don't all have jobs that can really allow such styles of work. Regardless, lifestyles and work styles are all changing...and I think people need to listen to women. Smart women. Women who are changing the world...whether its in an office or Peace Corp medical clinic in the jungles. Let's just celebrate and empower women!! And pray for those women (and men) who are are in the disadvantaged places trying to help women... who help other women... (I just love that chain reaction!!)

Today I am dressed like a teacher. Probably a cute one. But I'm dressed like one nonetheless.

I have suffered from a serious case of wanderlust since late college. Ever since I traveled abroad for a summer (mainly Italy and London), I decided I wanted to see the world. Traveling broadens my perspective and makes me feel insignificant and special at the same time. I want to go everywhere, but here are a few places I want to go... in no particular order.

1. The Congo. I saw an incredible show on Nat Geo of all the species of life that live there, and I'm fascinated by the blackness of the water (it looks like a river of Guiness beer!). A river that has the depths of 700+ feet and rapids that made even the most seasoned kayakers sweat. (I'm not that interested in kayaking, per se). Plus Tiger fish which are like pirhanas on steroids.
2. The Nile. Another amazing body of water.
3. The Amazon. And I'm three for three being fascinated with river forms of water. I remember wanting to visit the Amazon since my high school biology class.
4. Nearly everywhere in Western Europe.
5. Fiji and Bora Bora. They look beautiful, and they're so far and hard to get to. Its remarkable just to claim a "notch" traveling there. To the ends of the earth...
6. India. I think for this nation I'd like to travel under a humanitarian effort focusing on gender equality.
7. Africa...anywhere. Since I've returned from South Africa, I can't stop thinking about some of the people I met. And continuing to learn about the similar and different challenges of each nation of these developing nations... so exciting.
8. Where ever I can get North enough on the planet to see the Northern Lights.

I'm sure I'll think of other places. Just had to get this out... And reviewing the places above...perhaps I should get cable and watch marathons of Surivor Man, Locked up Abroad, and I Shouldn't be Alive... so I know how to survive should something bad happen.

I can say since high school I was always focused and really driven. And by the time I was in college, my major was set on production and I knew I wanted to be in it and do it all well...or my best, at least. And here I am nearly 10 years after college moderately well into my career and completely ambitious-less. I'm still a hard worker and enjoy what I do... but just don't know what's next. For the first time in my life, I don't have a solid plan B, C or D! Which until recently, I ALWAYS had a plan. I won't say that I don't care, because I do. I'm in a major area of trusting God to continue to provide for me as I am **choosing** to leave a stable (yet mad) job. I will also remain open to my skills serving me either in the same career or the next "big thing." This of course trailing off of my journey to South Africa. I'm so inspired and motivated, but so entirely unfocused!

While I was in South Africa, Rich Hodge asked me what my greatest regret is. I didn't have an answer, and he didn't necessarily expect one at that time. But he said somewhere in that answer lies the truth of what I might really want to be doing or where truly want to be. Well, I live in NYC and have made a life here. I'm so thankful beyond words and so damn proud, I don't regret a piece of that. What I do regret, which I'm not sure is really true... is possibly pursuing something more glamorous and being famous. And the only reason I feel that fame is somehow a regret, it's that in social today, fame = a big voice. Celebrities have a bigger voice and impact than officials. Celebrities have more influence than heroes. They have a social responsibility that society today considers admirable and respectable. Maybe this is just perspective, but its all too obvious. But the rest of the population of do-gooders settle for "one thing at a time" and "one step at a time." I know all things take baby steps, but damn I want to make a wave. And all that said, is why I would want to be famous. But I would never ever want to be famous. hahahahah.... so I have a dilemma.

I have to think more what my regrets are. I'm sure a million things personally every single day...but I think since college I've tried to live intentionally. Make Believe a program I did in 2006 helped me articulate and focus that more. But I'm really gonna have to dig to figure out this regret question...and then perhaps figure out my ambition.

"Women and girls are the most impoverished, discriminated-against group in the world. Consider the following:

* Of the world's 1 billion poorest people, 60 percent are women and girls.
* Women work two-thirds of the world’s working hours, yet earn only 10 percent of the income.
* Women produce half the world’s food, yet own only 1 percent of its land.
* Women make up two-thirds of the estimated 776 million adults worldwide who cannot read or write; and girls make up 55 percent of the 75 million children not attending school.

In most societies, women face discrimination, exploitation and exclusion that limit their access to resources and assets. This disempowerment is a universal factor in extreme poverty. Rather than working with women as victims of poverty, more and more non-governmental organizations are working to empower marginalized women to challenge and change the contexts in which they live.

Women's empowerment offers a pathway out of extreme poverty and toward dignity and security – for women, their families and whole communities.

Women in the developing world cannot lift themselves up alone; they need the support and solidarity of women in developed nations to do so. Movements like this have historically proven to give a voice to the voiceless and create substantial and long-lasting societal change. One need only look to the women’s suffrage movement in the United States more than a century ago and the civil rights movement of the sixties as examples of what can be accomplished through the strength of solidarity. Because the majority of the world's poor are women and girls, the success of this women's empowerment movement is vital to achieving the UN Millennium Development goal of halving poverty by 2015."

apowerfulnoise.org

Everything written above was taken from the background description of a film I watched last night called A POWERFUL NOISE. Sunday, March 8th is apparently International Women's Day. And last night in celebration, in 450 theaters across the nation this film was screened and followed by a live-broadcast "town hall" panel with Madeleine K. Albright, Natalie Portman, Christy Turlington Burns, Nicholas Kristof, Dr. Helene Gayle, and with Moderator News Anchor Ann Curry. The panel helped to create more awareness and help inform the public of the facts and how to get involved. And can I say I have a crush on Nicholas Kristof?

The film follows three women, each in Mali, Vietnam and Bosnia. Their efforts are inspiring and frustrating (due to their unfortunate situations). But its all worth the fight, one step at a time. It was especially moving being a woman myself. It really is statistically, factually possible that women are in fact, the backbones of a community. We have the power to change from the micro-family level to entire Nations. I believe that! I wish it were overnight, but so is not the case.

I guess it all feels so particularly poignant having just returned from South Africa. And while I was there and since my return, I've somehow felt the pressure that I needed to be dramatically life-changed and that it was going to somehow make me a new or better person. It's all in the web of my life, and it does/will change who I am. But watching this film had the same effect as just having traveled 10,000 miles. I somehow believe that having traveled gives sharing (my potential newfound passion) experience gives me more "cred" than just having watched the film and trying to share that inspiration and motivation.

I just know either watching or sharing an experience hits our brains and our hearts. Its up to each of us to decide how we want to respond beyond feeling moved and inspired, and challenging our souls and the core of who we are wanting to become and make a NOISE. I want to make a KICK, not just a noise. But the noise pulls the leg back for that really awesome high-kick.

So I've realized that coming back to the US was almost more of a culture shock than it was going to South Africa. I currently hold the perspective of how nice and luxurious everything here is. And living in NYC, everything is just a block away just about 24 hours a day. I'll ramble a bit on some of my reactions and observations...

One thing I noticed about the general public of Africans is that they are incredibly friendly and smile a lot. And the beauty of the black population, their amazing and beautiful dark skin in contrast with white teeth is quite a sight. I feel like there is such a mystery behind the eyes of those I met. (I will note the photos I've posted are of people with names and those I got to either play with or talk with...not just random snapshots of those that happened to be around me. I don't want them to just be faces of the visit. Just an FYI).



I'm struggling to still understand if the general culture of those most in need act out of a place of hopefulness of hopelessness. I'm also still struggling with the idea of overnight stays and how I still might refuse such an exercise and completely reject the potential beauty of such an experience. I don't want to beat myself up or apologize for how I feel, if the thought is there, it bugs me and I'll leave it alone for now and how I might feel about true compassion.

I think the big picture of the challenges of the people of that nation is education and awareness. It all feels very defeating when attempting to explain the disconnect of the locals' understanding of HIV and AIDS, and the challenge that 10,000 Homes has adopted of breaking the cycle of orphans. But one step at a time, one person at a time is what matters. I'm not a history buff, but I think most of know that South Africa has a young history of conflict and oppression, so its a huge hope to see the page turn for that nation in my lifetime.

This trip really birthed out of a selfish curiosity of an exotic adventure and wanderlust, but I was also aware of the foundation of where and why I was going. I can't say my life changed, but it has, and it will... What's that Wallflowers song? One Headlight...

I'm so alone, and I feel just like somebody else
Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same

Many people have asked what the highlight and lowlight of my journey. The highlight was the trip itself and every part of what I got to be a part of each day. The lowlight, for me personally was the bugs, the dirt, and questionable plumbing. I'm not a camper or the most outdoorsy, so that just made it personally challenging. And if that was the worst part of my trip then I'm pretty satisfied and willing to do it all over again. Except maybe at an awesome safari lodge with a spa, or at a beach resort in Cape Town. I'M KIDDING. A little. BUT THAT would be an awesome experience too, folks!

I'm so thankful that I got to meet a new batch of people (yaaay, just what I need...more friends! (I say that with such sarcasm!!)) and spend time with my friend David in his context of "work." It was like I got to spend a week with him and his co-workers at work and it was a really great experience. I don't think most people would feel that way if they spent a week with me (even if I promised not to curse). Ha!

These are my thoughts for today...

I've updated my previous posts with some pics. I wish I took more pictures, and I wish I was in more of them!? Some pics are sideways, and I can't figure out why (I've saved them vertically, but they insist on posting horizontally).

I'm home, in my apartment in NYC. David and I were on the same flight from South Africa to London, and I'm really glad to have a travel buddy for such a long trip. I managed to get on an earlier flight back in London and now I'm back in the States...for a few hours now. Laundry is already going! I'm sure I'll have more reflections and contemplative revelations of my journey, but the minute I got home I hopped in my shower. I was thankful for the hot water, the water pressure and my space with my things, and it suddenly came over me that it all feels quite luxurious.

I'll leave it there for now.

This morning Keri (Peace Corp volunteer linked to 10,000 Homes and YWAM) and I headed to Kapokweni today for some home visits with Elizabeth. Today's visits were more focused on scouting homes that will host each of the seven DTS students for a couple of nights. The students are currently focusing on team building before their outreach in a few weeks to Uganda. How can you have compassion if you don't really know how the people live, right?

The homes we visited were friends of Elizabeth. The ones that have children obviously attend Elizabeth's house for her weekly feeding days. We visited about 5 homes, I think, and they ranged from tin walls lined with bags and dirt floors to cinder blocks and foundations with multiple rooms. Its interesting, because this neighborhood is lower to middle class, and there are digital satellites on quite a few of the homes and many that have electricity and running water, even if they don't seem like much from the outside. So much for my judgement and evaluation on what a NICE home is.

The students know about this opportunity and I'm told are quite excited about it. I personally don't know if I could really commit myself to such an exercise. I've been somewhat uncomfortable not having my own bed and constantly having dirty feet (since you live in flip flops here), along with unstable water and power source (I am aware this is an uncommon occurrence). I feel like such a spoiled and high maintenance American. How else can I say it? YES, I am particular and freakishly clean and sensitive to odors (I LOVE for things to smell clean (like dryer sheets)), but I've also been hyper-aware being here that some things are beyond my control and I just need to be okay with it, of I'll waste tons of energy being upset - like the billions of bugs. They drive me crazy and creep me out, but I knew they'd be here and I would just have to be okay with them. But in the way I am CHOOSING certain things in my life, I feel incredibly confused and guilty that I know it would bring me to tears of frustration if I were in this DTS program and knew I was going to have to sleep in a shack with people I don't know and can't speak the same language with. What does this say about me? Am I that uncompromising? Do I think I am above knowing true compassion? Or is my "wild" heart meant to coordinate with my other skills rather than literally venture into a literal wild journey the Lord may take me on?

I visited Kapokweni today. Its the town/village that actually backs up to Mbosweni. And these two towns pretty much back up into the YWAM base area so its nice how everyone is so locally/closely situated.

I actually met Elizabeth the woman who hosts the Kapokweni program last night briefly. She stopped by the base and we met and I told her I hear she is doing wonderful things for the kids...she smiled and said, "oh its not me, its all God." And I could only reply, to thank her for being the hands and feet to do the work! And she just smiled again...and in that minute I could just sense the humility in her spirit and courage of her heart. Bless her humble heart and continuous glory to God.

Its not the best pic of her. She's multi-tasking here getting some numbers to get stuff done!

Dave made a plan for us to visit her house where she feeds about 130+ kids, I think two or three times a week. It was an interesting contrast from the Mbonisweni kids... it felt a little more organized and routine was much clearer. It also felt somehow the kids were less needy in the way of attention, and I think that's just more props to Elizabeth for building a great foundational atmosphere of belonging and community for these kids. Their age range also include more older kids (more kids 10-13 years, rather than 5 - 10 years of age majority in Mbonisweni). There wasn't too much for us to do since the volunteer ladies were already hard at work, and it seemed kids kept showing up in waves of 30 or so for about an hour. Once they were all fed, just up behind her house is a wooden play scape a group from Westchester (represent NY!) raised money to fund and build about a month ago. Its clear the kids love it! The majority all circled around Augustine who is a pastor from another village that is sharing the Bible with them. Today he shared with them the parable of Noah's Ark.



There were a a few boys that were throwing rocks at one another and I kinda pulled on one of their ears and lightly pinched the back of the others' arm (and smiled) and signaled they should be quiet and listen. And they smiled sheepishly and tried to pay attention. And the funny thing is, even though I had just "scolded" them, they moved closer to me (and still proceeded to throw small pebbles at one another). Oh, little boys. Once the lesson was over fun-ness ensued with what really just looked like a bunch of kids at recess.

I got a chance to talk to Elizabeth and asked her how and why she started her program about three years ago. She was working with another non-profit organization and asked her boss if she could help start a program when she saw the need for the orphans and disadvantaged children. He replied that it really wasn't their focus, but her heart still broke for the kids she saw who had nothing to eat and watched kids walk to school while their shoes broke in half, literally. She wrote her resignation letter and thank you letter on a Thursday and made that Friday her last day. Her boss was totally shocked and asked what was she going to do and she explained that she was going to feed the kids. He replied "you can't do that." And she said "I know, but God can." And remember, this is also a woman that is not giving or providing from a place of surplus... she just quit her job and her husband is unemployed. So praise the Lord that He continues to provide for her...and she serves with such JOY she is quite an example.



I'm still struggling a bit to articulate how I feel about all of this and my experience here. Why is Elizabeth an example? She saw a need and she responded. Why don't we all live like this? Its so easy...on the surface. Then comes the faith and trust, and the energy to sustain and motivate...blah blah. I guess I'll just need to see what my balance will become with my journey of life when I return to my life in NYC. I don't think its bad or wrong having a job and living the life that I do. And knowing myself, it will feel paralyzing on one level to know that I'm not on the "ground level" helping, and I also hope the inspiration doesn't fade. It will... I need to figure out how to bridge the gap of what's here and my life there, and how will I function? I know I've got the heart, but I will also admit the lack of amenities and luxuries are bit hard for me to get used to. I'll sign off now before I go off to a million tangents and experience home visits in Kapokweni tomorrow. And then I'm headed back to NYC via London. In the meantime, I'll have a billion different thoughts and emotions of what I've experienced here.

Today was NSF KRUGER NATIONAL PARK DAY! I woke up just at 5:30 am (when we were supposed to meet to leave) so we could head for the southern area of Kruger. One of the gates to enter is only about a 30 minute drive from the base. Dave did an awesome job coordinating a big fridge looking van and loaded us (me and DTS students) up and off we were to see WILD animals!

I'm a bit tired now...but from the get go we got to follow to rhinos taking their morning walk! We then saw a pack of zebras, including a BABY one! Their stripes are so amazingly distinct, even up into their manes! The best part is, we were on the road and they were JUST off the side of it. It was quite a sight to see them so close! We also saw a pack of adolescent elephants...some jr. size babies (so cute!) and medium (teen) ones...just before we crossed a bridge, we saw the nursery of BIG ones with the baby baby elephants. These guys were also JUST off the road. If I could legally get out of the car, they were probably about 20 steps away from me! We also saw a gazillion Impalas. They are apparently the bottom of the carnivore food chain, so I guess there's a need to have many of them. A couple of Kudu (think bigger impala and with stripes). I think we also saw a buffalo. We saw 3 of the Big 5 animals at Kruger - rhino*, buffalo*, leopard, elephant* and lion. We also saw a handful of hippos hanging out in various water holes. After lunch we saw a few monkeys (no mom, I didn't try to play with them!) and we FINALLY saw some giraffes! They were so amazing...also JUST off the road!! The only animal we all wished and prayed to see was a lion, or a large cat of any kind - lion, leopard, cheetah, wild cat, caracal, serval, hyena (not a cat, but close), but no such luck. It was so stinking hot, the cats probably thought better than to move from a shady spot they probably found in the morning. I also wanted to keep my eye out for dung beetles, because those suckers can sure roll a perfect ball of poo! And there was tons of poo on the driving trail/roads!! But, no beetles either. Don't get me wrong, today was amaaazing!!

Just glancing at the map, we covered a lot of driving trails, but really it was probably barely 1/5 of the entire park! Incredible! Its now bedtime and sounds and feels like a bit of a wind and rain are headed our way. Way to break the heat and hopefully give us a break. I'm going to visit the second community Kopokweni tomorrow which features a similar feeding program for kids like in Mbosweni. Kopokweni has more kids (probably about 130+) all hosted by an amazing woman named Elizabeth.

I spent another morning in Mbonisweni at Mama Victoria's house. I arrived and was really overjoyed when Valerie shouted my name, ran over and greeted me with a hug. What an amazing and sweet girl. I really hope and pray the opportunities for her mind and heart are a chapter coming up in her journey of life. As before, she didn't need any help cooking the food, so I wandered off to play with the kids. The DTS students here visit fairly regularly and know quite a few of the kids.



It was nice to see a few familiar kiddo faces from Wednesday. It was also easy to recognize them since the few I did recognize immediately were wearing the exact same clothes. Today was also apparently a sports event day through the schools, so the turn out was a little low for a Saturday. After the kids ate, the DTS team did some crafty drawing things with them, and I got an opportunity to meet and chat with Mama V.

I knew beforehand Mama V had a few children of her own, mostly grown...and few she's essentially adopted. Valerie being one of them. Petros is the little boy that never stops smiling. His father was sick and essentially left him with Mama V because he couldn't take care of him. He was sick (likely HIV) and was going back to a nearby town back to his family. I'm not sure if parents abandon or give up their children because the genuinely hope and believe that option is better, or if their hearts are that hopeless and loveless to be unable. I don't mean to judge those that are sick and have no spouse, no income, no caregiver...but perhaps before they get to that point there is such a rift in trying understand what HOPE means to such parents.



Mama V has two girls named Nandi...one is probably about 13 years of age and appears to be about 10. She is "big Nandi." And Mama V also has "little Nandi." Lil N was abandoned by her mother as well. Her mother had other children to care for, and being a prostitute Nandi's father is unknown. I'm not sure at what age, but her mother told Mama V that she doesn't have love for Nandi and asked if she would take her away. Doesn't have love for her very own child? I would initially react with anger, but my heart crumbled with sadness and confusion. Now how does Nandi feel about that? I don't know, because her huge bright eyes and her smiles make it hard for me to read. But her aggression for attention is a peek into how her heart must've broken.

All of this said, I just want everyone to know that Mama V started her Home Care program in 1999. 10 years hooray! It all began when she passed the dumping grounds one day (which you can see in the distance from the amazing perch of her near-third world property)... she noticed small children playing and searching for food. And she also noticed that the kids were blowing balloons, except they weren't blowing balloons, they were blowing up used condoms. She asked her husband if she could invite them over for a meal and time to play. he obliged. She certainly wasn't seeing the need to love and help these children out of her surplus of food'o'plenty... she loves and helps these children because they NEED her and her heart of Christ and sharing the gospel.

I don't intend for this post to feel all dramatic and Sally Struthers-y to manipulate your emotions with disadvantaged children... its simply the reality in what is a lower class community here in South Africa. Some of us may not even allow our children or dogs to play in such areas, but its their home and their community. I'm thankful for the risk takers and lovers of Christ who are the hands and feet that live here to love and serve the people.

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
Matthew 25:40